What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize