I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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