you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
