I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
