Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize