would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
