I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you had me at cake vodka
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
