There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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