Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
