Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize