break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
