Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
