My friends, they love my intelligence
im having a threesome with these popsicles
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
