Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
