walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
