Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
