Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
