Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am available for nakedness
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
