so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
