im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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