Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
