I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
