Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
