I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
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