How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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