you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
