I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
