My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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