i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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