I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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