I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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