i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
