fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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