For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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