you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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