is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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