last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
worst night to have a conscience
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
