I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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