It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
