At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
