I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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