Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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