Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
