Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is the high leading the old right now
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
