Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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