guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
