she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
