Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
