How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
