I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
