you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
