i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
