last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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