I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The beer is more important than you right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
