i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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