he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
