I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
