4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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