well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
