i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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