it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
