Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize