he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
