to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
