Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
