I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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