Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
