eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
