So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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