i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
