a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize