Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
