My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
