with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
