I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
